Parental visit

There comes a time in every expat’s life when he gets a visit from across the ocean from his parents.  My time was this Christmas. 

My wife and I spent most of October, November, and December preparing the house – doing all the various DIY, obscure cleaning, and upgrade jobs that we’d been putting off.

Our place is small, so my mother and her partner stayed at a local hotel.  We picked them up and took them to the hotel on their first day to find that my mother had been made “Guest of the day”, which was a source of amusement for us.

Many of the things that my mother and her partner noticed about North Central Florida, I remembered noticing myself when I first visited several years ago, but they’ve since become my everyday normality, so I barely notice them anymore. They seemed surprised by how neat and tidy everything was.  Parts of Britain do certainly have severe litter problems, although like in  the USA, it can vary quite a bit from from place to place.

My mother and her partner are less flexible than me – although I moan about some things in the US, I am essentially a go-with-the-flow sort who likes to explore things.  When it comes to food, for instance, although I am lukewarm on certain elements of mainstream American eating, I do like many things about the Floridian diet, such as the fresh seafood, as well as Mexican and Cajun dishes (plus Chinese, Indian, Thai, Caribbean, and Italian).  My mother’s partner is much more conservative with his eating habits, however, so we ended up eating at places that served food such as “British Fish and Chips” (which is never quite like the real thing in the USA, anyway), rather than at the places where they serve a more local menu.

In a cafe in St Augustine

All in all the trip was a success, however.  We did start running out of touristy things to do with my parents towards the end, but that was kind of inevitable - Gainesville is essentially a working college town, not a holiday resort, so there are only so many sights to see.  We did manage to find some alligators for them to photograph, however, and take them on day trips to both the Gulf and Atlantic coasts, including a visit to America’s oldest continuously occupied settlement, St Augustine.

10 Things that a Brit in the USA should never forget! (funny British and American differences written from experience!)

Being a Brit who has visited the USA many times and who now finds himself to be a US immigrant living here, I’ve learnt from experience that despite many similarities, there are a number of funny British and American differences, both with British and American culture, as well as British and American English.  So here are my 10 things that a Brit in the USA should never forget!

1.  Don’t forget that there are alligators, snakes and giant insects roaming loose in the neighbourhood.  Even if the Floridians think this is normal, it is not.

2.  Remember that under no circumstances should you say: “smoking a fag”, as it means something very different in the USA to what it does in England.  Remember  that to the American ear, you are not referring to “puffing on a cigarette”, you are talking about “shooting a gay person”, or doing something more graphic to him.

3.  Don’t forget that you can eat pancakes all year round in the USA and not just on Shrove Tuesday.  Yum yum.

4.  Don’t forget that the weather is predictably sunny in Florida.  You do not need to take a jacket or a jumper out with you, just in case the weather turns bad.  They do not have rain, sunshine, hail, wind, sleet, snow, and fog all in one day, like they do in Britain. 

5.  Don’t spend two weeks searching for coriander in the supermarkets.  There is no herb of that name in the USA.  If you want to make a curry, look for something called cilantro.  It looks and smells like coriander and is in fact, coriander, but it is called by a completely different name.  Do not attempt to pronounce oregano the way that the Americans do.

6.  Don’t forget that when an American in the Deep South says that he’s been saved, it doesn’t mean that someone has stopped him from drowning, or prevented him from scoring a goal at football – he means that he has found the Lord.

7.  Don’t forget to leave a tip every time you go to the bar and buy a beer.  Remember that the USA is the most generous tipping culture in the world and that they thrust dollars at people just for looking in their general direction – okay that’s a slight exaggeration. 

8.  Remember that Americans usually drink out of small beer bottles and European 500cl bottles are relatively rare.  Do not imply that American men are less manly because of this. 

9.  Don’t forget that the day after Christmas is just another day in the USA and the term, “Boxing Day” does not exist.

10.  Do not attempt to use the phrases: “in a strop”, “dustbin men”, or refer to a “yard” as a “garden”, as you will get blank or funny looks.

Trash can or dustbin?